Friday, July 7, 2017



“So, here we are with the one and only Mr. Backstab butcher. The cutter man himself.”
The audience claps.
“Thank. Thank you for having me. Glad to be here. So glad.”
“It's an honor to have you here. Such a fine cutting man.”
“Thank you so much. So much.”
“You've totaled over two hundred victims. Is that still correct?”
“Not quite. The one from last night hasn't been added yet so your one short.”
Audience claps. Laughs.
“Ohhh. You have an extra?”
“That's right. Drug addicted runaway girl. One of those I'm not getting my way with mommy and daddyo so I'm taking off to teach them a lesson.”
“Which is where you came in?”
“Gutted her like a fish.”
“Wow. You say that with such enthusiasm.”
“I do love my job.”
“We can see that. But don't you feel guilty about cutting up such a young innocent girl who can't defend herself?”
“You don't get in this profession if you feel guilty. Why you think they call me the Backstab Butcher?”
Audience laughs.
“I suppose that's so.”
“I was jonsing out bad. Been weeks since I had my cutter fix. She was an easy target and just happened to come my way. Just wasn't her day.”
“Tell us a little more about your victims.”
“Well. There were several types really. Young. Old. I suppose the only preference I have is I don't like to chase after them. The older. The better, that way they can't run as fast. Like that poor old lady I followed out in the Walmart parking lot late one night.”
“You followed an old lady in the parking lot?”
“She was well into her eighties. Swollen fingers and all from arthritis just hobbling long in her walker.”
“That's heartless dude.”
Audience boooos
“Hey, you all shut your mouths right now or I'll choose somebody from the audience and cut'm.”
“You gotta admit. You deserved that.”
“No way. I work hard at what I do. Stalking somebody and cutting them up when they're not looking isn't something a lot of people can do.”
“You gotta point. Tell us about another one of your victims.”
“You folks think you can handle it. I mean, you guys are bawling your butts off about the last one?”
“We'll be fine.”
“Another one was an old man.”
“First an old lady, now an old man?”
“Yep. Told ya I like'm old and crippled. He was in a wheelchair.”
“Man. You really are one demented dude.”
“Gotta love the business, man. Gotta love the business.”
“You seem to love it too much.”
“It's my life.”
“How'd you cut him?”
“I chopped his head off. He didn't know it either. There he was headless and rolling away down the street. The headless wheelchair man.”
Audience laughs.
“Wow. That is really something.”
“Thankya. Thankya very much.”
“Did you happen to cut anybody that you had to work at. I mean actually have to chase down?”
“Hmmm. Let me see. Hmmmmm. Tough question. I took care of a homeless couple sitting on a bench in Battery Park. Got two in one shot for that one.”
“Were they old too?”
“Not as old. In their seventies I think.”
“Did you ever have to sneak into a house and cut somebody while they were sleeping or took some time to study somebody's behavior and habits or anything?”
“Naaaaa. That's too much work.”
“Which is why you go for the older folks?”
“I suppose so. But it's not what you think.”
“How so?”
“ I like to think I'm helping them.”
“Like how?”
“Well. For one thing they already have their feet in the grave. Most are in pain and want to die anyway. Sometimes it's just the healthy genes that run in the family preventing them from doing so.”
“So you think what you're doing is a good thing?”
“Ohhh. It most certainty is.”
“You know what I think?”
“I think you're a wimpy slasher. Don't you audience?”
Audience cheers.
“I am not wimpy. I'm a serious slasher here, I kick butt and take names. I stab'm in the back and don't look back.”
“You're a coward.”
“You don't talk to a professional slasher like that. Is that why you brought me on this show, to make fun of me?”
“Hey. It's part of the show.”
I deserve respect. I've been doing this for over nineteen years. I'm a professional in this business.”
“You're not a professional. You're a never has been never was and a never gonna be.”
“Watch your mouth you.”
“Whatchya gonna do?”
Audience goes.... Ohhhhhhh.
“I'll kill you.”
“In your dreams.”
“Up yours.”
“Is that the best you got?”
Hey. You folks wanna see some real slashin'? I'll show you some real slashin'?”
“That' what we were hoping to see.”
Audience cheers.
“Then lets do some slashin.”
“Show us your knife.”
“Here ya go.”
“What's that?”
“My knife.”
“Is that what you've been doing all your cutting with?”
“This the the baby right here.”
“That's a pocket knife. That tiny blade will barely just give you simple scratch.”
“This'll do the trick. Trust me.”
“You ain't no slasher. Get the heck outta here.”
“I am too a slasher. I'm the meanest of them all.”
“Where did we get this retard audience?”
Audience laughs.
“We have a surprise for you.”
“For me?”
“Bring him out, Will.”
Audience cheers and claps.
“Wait. What's going on here. I thought I was the main attraction of the show.”
Ohh. You are.”
“Then what's he doing here?”
“This here is the major leaguer of all slashers.”
“That's Charles Manson.”
“And your point is?”
“You can't use Charles Manson, He's insane.”
“Most slashers are. What's wrong with that?”
“The dude is off his rocker.”
“Yeah. And we have another special treat for you tonight. Ole Charles here is gonna do a slashing in public.”
Audience cheers.
“A slashin' in what?”
“A public slashin' He's going to demonstrate how he's done it in the past.”
“No way.”
“Take it away, Charles. Show the audience how it's done.”
“Time for some schooling, boy.”
“Get that dude away from me.”
“Audience laughs.
“I'm a gonna cut ya from the neck down to your crotch. Pull your innards out and wrap them around my neck like a necklace.”
Audience cheers.
“Now. That's what I'm talkin' bout. Ain't that right group?”
Audience roars with excitement.
“Wait a second. We can't do this. I was only foolin round. I'm not a real slasher. I made it all up. I never cut anybody in my life. Charles. Don't do this, Charles.”
“Guys like you is what gives us all a bad name.”
“Ouch. Stop that.”
“Jist gitten' started.”
“Ouch. Ouch.”
Audience laughs.
“Shoulda thought bout that fore you claimed yourself a slasher.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Very disrespectful.”
“I'm sorry. You can stop jabbing me with that knife now.”
“There you go. What do you say about that audience? Is this something or what?”
Audience claps.
“Charles no. I promise I'll be good from now on. I'll even sign up for your school for slashers.”
Audience laughs.
“Too late for that , boy. Now come to papapa.”
“No. No. Nooooooo.”
Audience cheers. Clapping.
“Thank ya, Charles. For helping us out tonight.”
“Glad I could help.”
“Harvey here will get this cleaned up in no time. What a bloody mess.”
“When I go. I go all the way.”
“Thanks again, Charles.”
“Peace out Bro.”

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