TRAILER PARK HILLBILLIES
Julie stood at the stairway. “You come any closer and I'll shoot.”
She curled her nose at the smell of raw sewage heavily emanating from the ugly fellas. Their large mandible clicking and clacking with every word they spoke.
The two alien nappers looked at her surprised. “You won't shoot. That ain't even loaded kid.”
“Yeah, put that away fore you hurt yourself,” the other napper said.
“Is too. Want me to give it a test?”
Napper scrunched his nose and shook his head. He didn't think she would actually shoot the thing but he couldn't be so sure she wouldn't. Earthling gals aren't that smart.
“Just grab her, will ya? We ain't got all day. Probably her father's gun. She probably found stashed away in the closet.”
“Daddy bought it for me so I can protect myself against bad guys like you.”
“Woooooooo,” the nappers said, waving their hands in mystical fashion.
“We're scared,” a napper said.
“You will be,” Julie said.
One of the nappers walked toward her. “You are a feisty one, ain't ya?”
“I mean it. I'll shoot. Why do ya always gotta pick on us trailer folk anyways? Every time you guys want to nab some poor innocent white girl it's always in the trailer parks. Frankly, we're getting fed up with it.”
“Cause your easy pickins'. Nobody ever believes you. Ever since that Roswell incident things been working to our favor.”
They laughed. Gold grills in their mouth glistening in the dark room.
At that time aliens were stealing kids and getting paid pretty well for it. Human trafficking was at its peak. It wasn't uncommon for an alien to snatch a kid at the super store or the local grocery. Or just walking down the street.
They thought Julie was going to be an easy target.
“Well, we've been waitin' for your sorry butts.” She starts yelling stranger danger.
A fat man with a hairy belly and lint in his belly button charged out of the trailer. “They took the bait! They took the bait!”
Sirens went off. Lights flashed. A voice over a loud speaker said, “All trailer trash man your battle stations. Now , man your battle stations.”
Fat bellied man sat his PBR can on the deck and aimed a bazooka at the saucer.
The saucer exploded in a large mushroom cloud.
Everybody came out of her trailers and marveled at the large explosion.
“Hey, they blew up our ride,” a napper said. “Now we can't get back to our planet.”
“Sure ya can,” Julie said. “All you have to do is call. They'll come get ya.”
A trailer folk spat a stream of tobacco at the napper. “Looks like you boys came to the wrong trailer park tonight.”
“They sure done did,” said pregnant gal with a DON'T TREAD ON ME tattoo on her forearm and was clearly in her late forties. A cigarette dangled from her toothless mouth.
“Yeah, can ya believe these creatures tried to take ole Julie here.”
“No way,” sleazy gal said with big saggy boobs that hung so low she could mop the floor with them. “We can't have them stealing Bud's daughter.”
Bud was the king of the trailer park. Nobody screwed with Bud and everybody looked out for Bud.
“Whatdaya want us to do with'm, Julie?” Sleazy gal asked.
“We can rape them,” said a beer bellied man with hairy legs and wearing a dress.
The two napper bug eyes widened. Green beads of sweat lined their foreheads. Their three finger palms getting all sticky.
“Please,” the nappers said. “Let us go and we won't say anything.”
Big hairy man took a swig of his beer. “darn right ya ain't gonna say nothin.' Folks ain't gonna believe your here anyway. Ya see. We've been waitin' fer your sorry green butts. See,we're tired of taking the rap fer everything. People out there never believe us when we tell them about the aliens.”
The big boobed gal blew a smoke ring. “That's right. They always say we're drunk or high or something. They treat us like we're the one from another planet.”
Big Belly man said, “That's right. And we aim to show'm different. We may even get rich off this.”
“That would be sweeeeeet,” said sleazy gal.
A tall woman wearing leather and chains stepped out. “Or we can torture'm. I could go for some of that.”
Big bellied man picked a ball of lint out of his belly button. He looked at it like he was always so shocked on how it get in there. “Bout time theys gets whats a comin' to'm.”
Julie charged back out wearing her Power Rangers uniform. With the help of the trailer folk they tied the alien nappers up.
“Call the news. Tellm' we gots us some alien nappers here.” Said sleazy gal.
Big belly slapped his varicose vein lined gut. “Dang nabbit, toots. How many times do we gots to tell ya theys don't ever believes us. We's been through this before.”
Pregnant woman asks. “So what we gonna do with'm then?”
Big belly man crushed his can. “Lets have a few beers and discuss this strange phenomena.”
“Sounds good to me,” said pregnant gal.
The rest of the night they drank, laughed, smoked pot and laughed about how they'd caught the aliens and how they're gonna spend the reward money they're going to receive just as soon as they can get some kind of authorities out here.
They drank so much that night they all passed out.
Big Belly man first woke with his mouth on saggy boob babe. “they're gone. The aliens are gone.”
“No way,” Pregnant gal said.
Big belly man smashed a can on his forehead. “Now, ain't that jist our luck. Jist when we thought we done gone did somethin' good.”
Saggy boob babe let out a loud beer belch. 'I'm callin' the po po.”
“Like that's gonna do some good,” Big man said.
Another hot white gal pointed to her belly. “Hey. I'm pregnant.”
“Me too,” another said. She was the most attractive of the bunch regardless of her blackened stained teeth and her used to be scrawny I'm addicted to crack body. “All I know is that I had the the best dream sex I ever had in my entire life last night.”
“Me too,” said the other. “It was orgasmic.”
Big belly man burped and scratched his crotch. “We can see that.”
“And I'm pregnant too,” said the saggy boob babe.
“And so am I,” said the other. Which coming from him was a surprise. Being a dude and a cross dresser and all.
Big belly man felt a rumbling in his gut and started to feel sick. “Ahhhh. I think I'm feeling something moving round in there.”
Julie shook her head. “Ohhhhhhh. This is sooooooo not good.”