Wednesday, June 28, 2017

STORY #1 IF PEOPLE COULD READ MY MIND I WOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE

I love a lot of dialogue in stories. I consider Robert Parker being a master at this. "I've always been curious what his short stories are like. I don't think he wrote many of them but I'm sure he wrote at least a few. William Nolan set out to write a few stories in all dialogue along with several other writers. This is my attempt at it only with more of a gruesome slant of which I am known for.


IF PEOPLE COULD READ MY MIND I WOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE


SO I SAID TO MY BOSS

“I quit,”
“You can't quit. You're too good at it.”
“Too good at feeling faces? I think I'm better than this to be perfectly honest. Besides, after feeling Lil' Miss Pimply face and her puss dripping zits I've had about all I can take of this job."
"You're not just a face feeler. You've got it all wrong. You're a sensory Technician. People count on us to deliver our opinions about special face creams and how they feel on the skin."
"Nother word for face feeler."
“I did all this extra work for you and you're coming in here telling me you quit. This is big business these days. Huge."
“Like I really care.”
“You should care. In case you haven't noticed we've done a lot of changes for you.”
“Well, they weren't good enough.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Don't like working for you no more. Never have, really.”
“Just like that.”
“Just like that. Well, not really, just like that. I never have liked you. I only acted that way cause you're the boss.”
“I see.”
“I don't expect you to understand. You know, people with your type of mentality and all. Your thinking is pretty shallow.”
“What do you mean, people with my mentality?”
“You managers are a bunch of morons.”
“That wasn't necessary.”
“I know. But it feels so good to come right out and say it.”
“I don't think I've been that bad of a manager.”
“Haven't been that good either. Every time I come in here in the evening you're sitting in the same spot as when I come in in the morning with your hand on the mouse pretending to act all busy staring like a zombie at the computer screen.”
“You don't know the half of it.”
“You look busy trying to act busy.”
“There's a lot about this business you don't understand.”
“I understand more than you think. I've probably even read more books than you about business. Ever read the Peter Principle?”
“The Peter what?”
“The Peter Principle. Written way back when. Explains why companies like this one are all jacked up. It doesn't surprise me you've never read it.”
“Why is that?”
“Cause you ain't that smart.”
“I'm not the one using the word ain't in a sentence.”
“That's exactly my point. Want to know what else I don't like about you while I'm on a roll?”
“No. Not really.”
“Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.”
“I think you better leave now.”
“I'm just getting started. Is that a picture of your family?”
“Yes.”
“Do they know what a jerk you are.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard what I said you geeky pencil neck twerp. I've hated you from the beginning.”
“You can't talk to me like that. I'm the boss.”
“You're the loss boss. You've got that I used to gt beat up in high school and now I'm going to take my power to a whole higher level syndrome. Nobody wants to get up in the morning and come and work for you. Let alone come here. Everybody would just rather see you die and can't wait till you get relieved.”
“You get out of my office right now. You're fired.”
“I like the Donald Trump imitation. Though you aren't quite as intimidating. You're not as smart either.”
“If you don't leave I'm calling the police.”
“I am going to leave. Have to say my piece first.”
“You've said enough already.”
“Not quite. I just got started. I haven't punched you in the face yet.”
“You can't punch me in the face.”
“Why not? Free country.”
“That's battery. I'll have you arrested.”
“That's okay. This county doesn't do much about stuff like that. Barely got enough space to put the serious criminals. I'll be released in a couple hours. I'll punch you in the face again. I think you're a squiggly pencil neck nerdy dude hiding behind your fancy title.
“You can't smoke in here. This office has a no smoking policy.”
“You think I care? I'll smoke where I please.”
“And I'll have the company sue you for interrupting our free air breathing space.”
“Tell'm to put it on my tab.”
“Why did you lock my door?”
“Silly question.”
“I'm calling the police. Ohhh. Jeez. Where is it?”
“Here it is.”
“You smashed it?”
“I snuck in here earlier and did it so you couldn't call the cops after I smash your face with this hammer.”
“Put that down.”
“It's going to feel soooooo good.”
“Seriously. Your going to tie me up with duct tape?”
“You bet. It's the fix all for everything. Now, hold still while I pluck that left eye out.”
“Help me. Somebody heeeeeeelp.”
“Nobody going to hear you. I killed them all. See the blood on my hammer? Still wet from my last smashin. And plop. Just like that.”
“God, that hurts soooooo bad. You're sick.”
“You're just now starting to figure that out.”
“MmMMM...MMM...MMM...”
KTHUNK...KTHUNK....KTHUNK
SQUISH.... SQUISH....SQUISH....
"Oh I can see your face needs a bit of work. Here. Let me fix it for you. This grinder with a diamond blade does wonders for the skin."





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