Friday, June 30, 2017

STORY CHALLENGE #3 TRAILER PARK HILLBILLIES VS. THE ALIENS

This one here is a story I started back some time ago and I didn't want to leave it undone. Now was as good a time to finish it. This one is a silly sci-fi tale about an alien abduction gone wrong.

 TRAILER PARK HILLBILLIES
VS.
THE ALIENS



Julie stood at the stairway. “You come any closer and I'll shoot.”
She curled her nose at the smell of raw sewage heavily emanating from the ugly fellas. Their large mandible clicking and clacking with every word they spoke.
The two alien nappers looked at her surprised. “You won't shoot. That ain't even loaded kid.”
“Yeah, put that away fore you hurt yourself,” the other napper said.
“Is too. Want me to give it a test?”
Napper scrunched his nose and shook his head. He didn't think she would actually shoot the thing but he couldn't be so sure she wouldn't. Earthling gals aren't that smart.
“Just grab her, will ya? We ain't got all day. Probably her father's gun. She probably found stashed away in the closet.”
“Daddy bought it for me so I can protect myself against bad guys like you.”
“Woooooooo,” the nappers said, waving their hands in mystical fashion.
“We're scared,” a napper said.
“You will be,” Julie said.
One of the nappers walked toward her. “You are a feisty one, ain't ya?”
“I mean it. I'll shoot. Why do ya always gotta pick on us trailer folk anyways? Every time you guys want to nab some poor innocent white girl it's always in the trailer parks. Frankly, we're getting fed up with it.”
“Cause your easy pickins'. Nobody ever believes you. Ever since that Roswell incident things been working to our favor.”
They laughed. Gold grills in their mouth glistening in the dark room.
At that time aliens were stealing kids and getting paid pretty well for it. Human trafficking was at its peak. It wasn't uncommon for an alien to snatch a kid at the super store or the local grocery. Or just walking down the street.
They thought Julie was going to be an easy target.
“Well, we've been waitin' for your sorry butts.” She starts yelling stranger danger.
A fat man with a hairy belly and lint in his belly button charged out of the trailer. “They took the bait! They took the bait!”
Sirens went off. Lights flashed. A voice over a loud speaker said, “All trailer trash man your battle stations. Now , man your battle stations.”
Fat bellied man sat his PBR can on the deck and aimed a bazooka at the saucer.
The saucer exploded in a large mushroom cloud.
Everybody came out of her trailers and marveled at the large explosion.
“Hey, they blew up our ride,” a napper said. “Now we can't get back to our planet.”
“Sure ya can,” Julie said. “All you have to do is call. They'll come get ya.”
A trailer folk spat a stream of tobacco at the napper. “Looks like you boys came to the wrong trailer park tonight.”
“They sure done did,” said pregnant gal with a DON'T TREAD ON ME tattoo on her forearm and was clearly in her late forties. A cigarette dangled from her toothless mouth.
“Yeah, can ya believe these creatures tried to take ole Julie here.”
“No way,” sleazy gal said with big saggy boobs that hung so low she could mop the floor with them. “We can't have them stealing Bud's daughter.”
Bud was the king of the trailer park. Nobody screwed with Bud and everybody looked out for Bud.
“Whatdaya want us to do with'm, Julie?” Sleazy gal asked.
“We can rape them,” said a beer bellied man with hairy legs and wearing a dress.
The two napper bug eyes widened. Green beads of sweat lined their foreheads. Their three finger palms getting all sticky.
“Please,” the nappers said. “Let us go and we won't say anything.”
Big hairy man took a swig of his beer. “darn right ya ain't gonna say nothin.' Folks ain't gonna believe your here anyway. Ya see. We've been waitin' fer your sorry green butts. See,we're tired of taking the rap fer everything. People out there never believe us when we tell them about the aliens.”
The big boobed gal blew a smoke ring. “That's right. They always say we're drunk or high or something. They treat us like we're the one from another planet.”
Big Belly man said, “That's right. And we aim to show'm different. We may even get rich off this.”
“That would be sweeeeeet,” said sleazy gal.
A tall woman wearing leather and chains stepped out. “Or we can torture'm. I could go for some of that.”
Big bellied man picked a ball of lint out of his belly button. He looked at it like he was always so shocked on how it get in there. “Bout time theys gets whats a comin' to'm.”
Julie charged back out wearing her Power Rangers uniform. With the help of the trailer folk they tied the alien nappers up.
“Call the news. Tellm' we gots us some alien nappers here.” Said sleazy gal.
Big belly slapped his varicose vein lined gut. “Dang nabbit, toots. How many times do we gots to tell ya theys don't ever believes us. We's been through this before.”
Pregnant woman asks. “So what we gonna do with'm then?”
Big belly man crushed his can. “Lets have a few beers and discuss this strange phenomena.”
“Sounds good to me,” said pregnant gal.
The rest of the night they drank, laughed, smoked pot and laughed about how they'd caught the aliens and how they're gonna spend the reward money they're going to receive just as soon as they can get some kind of authorities out here.
They drank so much that night they all passed out.
Big Belly man first woke with his mouth on saggy boob babe. “they're gone. The aliens are gone.”
“No way,” Pregnant gal said.
Big belly man smashed a can on his forehead. “Now, ain't that jist our luck. Jist when we thought we done gone did somethin' good.”
Saggy boob babe let out a loud beer belch. 'I'm callin' the po po.”
“Like that's gonna do some good,” Big man said.
Another hot white gal pointed to her belly. “Hey. I'm pregnant.”
“Me too,” another said. She was the most attractive of the bunch regardless of her blackened stained teeth and her used to be scrawny I'm addicted to crack body. “All I know is that I had the the best dream sex I ever had in my entire life last night.”
“Me too,” said the other. “It was orgasmic.”
Big belly man burped and scratched his crotch. “We can see that.”
“And I'm pregnant too,” said the saggy boob babe.
“And so am I,” said the other. Which coming from him was a surprise. Being a dude and a cross dresser and all.
Big belly man felt a rumbling in his gut and started to feel sick. “Ahhhh. I think I'm feeling something moving round in there.”
Julie shook her head. “Ohhhhhhh. This is sooooooo not good.”




Thursday, June 29, 2017

STORY #2 IT HAPPENED AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT

 This one came about while I was sitting at a traffic light this afternoon, The traffic was backed up due to all the construction work going on. The young couple beside me were taking advantage of the extra time and turned it into a make out session. They were going at it so heavy I thought they'd be better off going across the street to the sleazy bedbug ridden motel where they'd have more privacy. Maybe. If they did that they'd probably be filmed by some perverted clerk who'd put it up on the Internet on some porn sight. Then I thought. What if the guy killed her right here in the middle of the road? What if he was a psycho? I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I swear. Us horror writers always look at the worse case scenario.


IT HAPPENED AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT

Charlie drummed his fingers on the wheel. I can't drive fifty-five playing on the radio. He wished he was driving fifty-five. Eighty would be better.
Not a chance.
The blinking red lights said 'not today, Sonny,' As if they were laughing at him.
So, he was stuck there smelling the soured cheese fat from the obese woman in the Dodge Neon to his right. And with the humidity that cheese soured and curled quick. An odor he often recognized due to his drunken sailor days back when he screwed fat women just cause they were easy-peasy at closing time.
Another day squirting bugs for a living.
Already an hour behind.
Some dude pulls up behind the fat woman in the Dodge and screams at his GPS for not informing him that there is a traffic jam.
It's bumper to bumper on Shadeland Ave. Once again the light was out. Happened every time after a bad storm. He wished the county would make better use of the taxes and update the equipment. Maybe put a few more lights up and replace some of these stop signs. He could go on and on about what the government could or should be doing. Truth is, they're not going to do anything they're supposed to unless it benefits them.
His blood pressure rose every time he thought about the government.
Horns blared.
Drivers getting more and more impatient while the July sun beat down.
The air smelt of exhaust and burnt rubber, courtesy of the tire factory down the street.
Didn't help his air conditioner was out.
To his right some hot chick filed on her nails. Making good use of her time he supposed.
Each had their own story. Same as he. Hard working people trying to get by, all dealing with the same issues.
The single mother who is running late because she had to drop her kids off at daycare first because her dirt bag husband left to go to the store and never came back.
The hard working dad who works way too hard to satisfy everybody in his family and is running late for the twentieth time and was told by the boss that he is going to have to let him go if he continues to be late.
Then there's the management type who show up to work any time they want. Just cause they can.
The car beside him changes lanes and another moves up in its place. In it is a man with a fat veiny nose, plush cheeks and brown sags under his eyes. He can tell he is an alcoholic.
To his left sitting in a rusty pick-up a couple were going down on each other pretty heavy.
Now that was a couple making good use of their time.
Made him jealous.
Right now he wanted to be that guy sitting in pick-up making out with a hot chick.
The guy in the pick-up looked at Charlie and grinned.
Caught gawking Charlie looked away.
He couldn't really tell but the one sitting in the white Escalade in front of him was on the phone. He must've been Italian because he was doing that waving thing with his hands.
A few cars behind him was a paint crew in a white van.
Then there was a guy in a truck with ladders on top that looked to be in the gutter cleaning business.
Though everybody had different jobs they all had one thing in common.
They were all going to be late today.
Taillights blinked as they each inched ahead one extra car.
A car honked at the the smooching couple beside him.
The smooching dude gave the car behind him the finger then proceeded to move.
“Happy now?” He screams.
The one behind him raises his hands as if to say. “Bring it on, sucka.”
Charlie felt something pinching on his neck. Smacked it. “Nother skeeter bites the dust.” Ever since the county stopped spraying the skeeters became worse.
The phone rang. It was the office.
He answered.
It was the customer calling the office wondering where he was for their 8:30 appointment.
He notices the chick in the pick-up kicking.
“Hi, Charlie,” Melissa said. He liked talking to Melissa. Her sweet voice was always very soothing. “How's it going out there?”
“Stuck in traffic right now.”
“Well, Janet Marshall called and wants an idea of your ETA.”
The chick's fingernails clawing his back.
“About ten minutes.”
Now, the dude is on top of her covering her mouth. He supposed she was a real screamer in the heat of the moment.
The taillights blinked as each car advanced.
“She says she has to leave in five minutes.”
If she has to leave why did she set her appointment so close? Once again. If it ain't the customer, it's management. “Tell her I'm on my way.” He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was dealing with one of those 'I got to have it my way' type.
“Okay. I'll tell her.”
“Thanks.”
It was now 8:30. People have no patience these days. Seemed the disease was getting worse.
He couldn't keep from watching the two love birds as they continued going at it.
The redneck dude grinned.
He held a knife.
He grabbed a handful of the woman's black hair and slides a blade across her throat. The woman slumps down.
Redneck dude puts his finger over his lips as if this were their own little secret.
He couldn't believe he just saw this.
He grabs his phone. The second he does a beer bottle comes through the window and knocks him in the face.
The man shakes his head.
Horns blared signaling him it was his turn to advance through the intersection.
The truck sped off. He at least wanted to get the plate number but it had one of those glossy type covers over it.
He envisioned the killer taking the body home, chopping it to pieces and placing them in the fridge with several other body parts he'd collected over time.
Tomorrow the woman's face could possibly show up on the news asking people to come forward if they have any information.
Not easy telling the cops that it was some redneck in a pick- up that he didn't even get a good look at.
He wondered how many victims Redneck dude left behind.
Worse yet. How many saw him and did nothing?
He continued on through his day wondering if he should've at least got out of his truck and rushed the guy.
Something.
Instead, he played coward and allowed the truck to speed off.
Such a shock. It happened so fast.
There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't see that blade slicing across that woman's throat.
Seeing it wasn't even the hardest part.
It was the fact that he did nothing. As quick as a blinking red light it was over.
He supposed the redneck dude was right after all. This was their own little secret.



Wednesday, June 28, 2017

STORY #1 IF PEOPLE COULD READ MY MIND I WOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE

I love a lot of dialogue in stories. I consider Robert Parker being a master at this. "I've always been curious what his short stories are like. I don't think he wrote many of them but I'm sure he wrote at least a few. William Nolan set out to write a few stories in all dialogue along with several other writers. This is my attempt at it only with more of a gruesome slant of which I am known for.


IF PEOPLE COULD READ MY MIND I WOULD BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE


SO I SAID TO MY BOSS

“I quit,”
“You can't quit. You're too good at it.”
“Too good at feeling faces? I think I'm better than this to be perfectly honest. Besides, after feeling Lil' Miss Pimply face and her puss dripping zits I've had about all I can take of this job."
"You're not just a face feeler. You've got it all wrong. You're a sensory Technician. People count on us to deliver our opinions about special face creams and how they feel on the skin."
"Nother word for face feeler."
“I did all this extra work for you and you're coming in here telling me you quit. This is big business these days. Huge."
“Like I really care.”
“You should care. In case you haven't noticed we've done a lot of changes for you.”
“Well, they weren't good enough.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Don't like working for you no more. Never have, really.”
“Just like that.”
“Just like that. Well, not really, just like that. I never have liked you. I only acted that way cause you're the boss.”
“I see.”
“I don't expect you to understand. You know, people with your type of mentality and all. Your thinking is pretty shallow.”
“What do you mean, people with my mentality?”
“You managers are a bunch of morons.”
“That wasn't necessary.”
“I know. But it feels so good to come right out and say it.”
“I don't think I've been that bad of a manager.”
“Haven't been that good either. Every time I come in here in the evening you're sitting in the same spot as when I come in in the morning with your hand on the mouse pretending to act all busy staring like a zombie at the computer screen.”
“You don't know the half of it.”
“You look busy trying to act busy.”
“There's a lot about this business you don't understand.”
“I understand more than you think. I've probably even read more books than you about business. Ever read the Peter Principle?”
“The Peter what?”
“The Peter Principle. Written way back when. Explains why companies like this one are all jacked up. It doesn't surprise me you've never read it.”
“Why is that?”
“Cause you ain't that smart.”
“I'm not the one using the word ain't in a sentence.”
“That's exactly my point. Want to know what else I don't like about you while I'm on a roll?”
“No. Not really.”
“Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyway.”
“I think you better leave now.”
“I'm just getting started. Is that a picture of your family?”
“Yes.”
“Do they know what a jerk you are.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard what I said you geeky pencil neck twerp. I've hated you from the beginning.”
“You can't talk to me like that. I'm the boss.”
“You're the loss boss. You've got that I used to gt beat up in high school and now I'm going to take my power to a whole higher level syndrome. Nobody wants to get up in the morning and come and work for you. Let alone come here. Everybody would just rather see you die and can't wait till you get relieved.”
“You get out of my office right now. You're fired.”
“I like the Donald Trump imitation. Though you aren't quite as intimidating. You're not as smart either.”
“If you don't leave I'm calling the police.”
“I am going to leave. Have to say my piece first.”
“You've said enough already.”
“Not quite. I just got started. I haven't punched you in the face yet.”
“You can't punch me in the face.”
“Why not? Free country.”
“That's battery. I'll have you arrested.”
“That's okay. This county doesn't do much about stuff like that. Barely got enough space to put the serious criminals. I'll be released in a couple hours. I'll punch you in the face again. I think you're a squiggly pencil neck nerdy dude hiding behind your fancy title.
“You can't smoke in here. This office has a no smoking policy.”
“You think I care? I'll smoke where I please.”
“And I'll have the company sue you for interrupting our free air breathing space.”
“Tell'm to put it on my tab.”
“Why did you lock my door?”
“Silly question.”
“I'm calling the police. Ohhh. Jeez. Where is it?”
“Here it is.”
“You smashed it?”
“I snuck in here earlier and did it so you couldn't call the cops after I smash your face with this hammer.”
“Put that down.”
“It's going to feel soooooo good.”
“Seriously. Your going to tie me up with duct tape?”
“You bet. It's the fix all for everything. Now, hold still while I pluck that left eye out.”
“Help me. Somebody heeeeeeelp.”
“Nobody going to hear you. I killed them all. See the blood on my hammer? Still wet from my last smashin. And plop. Just like that.”
“God, that hurts soooooo bad. You're sick.”
“You're just now starting to figure that out.”
“MmMMM...MMM...MMM...”
KTHUNK...KTHUNK....KTHUNK
SQUISH.... SQUISH....SQUISH....
"Oh I can see your face needs a bit of work. Here. Let me fix it for you. This grinder with a diamond blade does wonders for the skin."