Thursday, August 25, 2016

STORY #38 Why you should vote Cthulhu for president

This prompt was to write about Cthulhu. There is a ton of good stuff going on about Cthulhu for president. And I came across Cthulhu's campaign. The link to that is here. So I wrote this little flash about why you should vote for Cthulhu. This is a special message by H.P. Lovecraft and he approves it.


First off, you work too hard to put up with all that crab crawling crap. All they is a bunch of liars and thieves, murderers and crooks and God knows what else. Do you really think those Fart Monkeys running today are really going to change things? How bout that chick, ha? I think she needs a check from the neck up if you ask me.
And rich dude in the suit, well as far as I can tell the dude's out to lunch and from the looks of it, he's gonna be a while.
Second. I'm the lesser of the two evils, At least with me you know what you're gonna get and I sure ain't gonna lie to ya. Cause I don't have to. I'm Cthulhu. The greatest deity of them all. Though I do prefer meat I ain't gonna eat you out of house and home either.
The next thing which is one of the most important of all is that I'm not gonna make you pay taxes. Your government has been taking advantage of you since Moby Dick was a minnow or even since Paul and all those other disciples were fishermen. Time somethin' be done bout it.
Cause I'm the entity that will set things straight.
I'm Cthulhu.
Also I possess the great powers to alter the minds of your so called leaders of this nation. Their minds will become mine.
I will change them.
I will have them.
I'm Cthulhu.
I've been trying to do this since the way back of the good ole George Washington days or Honest Abe Lincoln.
Was he really that honest?
He was a politician. They don't call it politics for nothing.
I'm Cthulhu.
I call it Cthulhu politics ran by Cthulhu policies.
It is no secret your health care system is in great jeopardy.
I can fix that for you.
I have the ability,
It's no secret your education system reeks like rotten plankton under the control of educated idiots that think testing is the key to success. I will bring books back to school, children will do book reports and they won't know how to use computers till they learn to read and write, And they will read HP Lovecraft books.
You will be under Cthulhu's education system and I will make you successful.
Cause I'm Cthulhu. And I've been watching and have seen it all from my great depths. For I have been created by the greatest creator of all time. HP Lovecraft. Yes, he dwells inside of me and still lives on to this day.
Bring me your liars. Your haters. Thieves and dishonest souls.
Give them to me.
Feed me and I will take care of you.
I'm Cthulhu.
I know. I know. Voting is hard work these days and it's extremely frustrating trying to figure out who to vote for. It's confusing.
The one on the left is too far out to sea
While the one on the right
Thinks he's just like me.
There can only be one me.
And HP.
I can fix this,
I'm Cthulhu.
I will eat anyone who does not support my policies. But, hey, aren't things bad enough already?
Upon being elected I promise to destroy all fast food restaurants like McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's and especially all Taco Bells. And I will give my full support to all sea food restaurants cause sea food is good for you.
As far as one nation?
I don't believe in one nation. Cthulhu believes in the entire world as one nation. No more prejudice, no more race wars or hate crimes. Cthulhu hates everybody equally and believes in one nation under Cthulhu.
If you don't believe this, Cthulhu will find out and eat you.
One world. One nation.
Under Cthulhu.
This is H.P. Lovecraft and I approve this message

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