JACK THE RIPPER VS. FREDDY KRUEGAR
I've always wanted to be some sort of super hero. Just never worked out that way. Just never knew what I would be when I was a kid. I never would've thought I'd turn out this way though. Still blows my mind to this day. But you gotta take what you can get in this world. So when I got a chance to save a young pretty blonde from Jack the Ripper I jumped right on it.
I traveled in my mental time machine all the back to London in 1888. I knew that if I hung out there long enough I was gong to come across him.
The streets sure looked different back then. Everything was cobblestones and carriages. Took a minute to get used to,
I was walking down the street over to the Nick's bar and grill for a hamburger and a good ole fashioned Irish ale when I saw him I'd been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately cause people had caught on to my little game and learned to block me from their dreams. Which was why I took up time traveling.
Not to mention.
And lada lada lada lada. You've heard it all before.
My blades were starting to go dull from lack of action. I was also having a hard time finding somebody to sharpen them. Hard to find good customer service these days.
Kind of like a country western song. Even had mama in it. And you know a good country western song always talks about mama.
Anyway, that was when I ran into Jack the Ripper.
Well, I didn't exactly run into him exactly. You know how it goes. I snuck into his dreams. I got deep inside his mind.
And ohhhh, he's a wicked feller.
He'd been standing around the corner eyeing her. She was mine. Not his. My plan was to slice and dice her and haunt her forever in her dreams.
All he wanted to do was maybe cut her.
My way was exciting and adventurous.
I was standing around the corner watching him the whole time snapping my blades.
I could see the silhouette of his long black cape which I imagined him holding knife under neath.
I snuck up on him. Yeah, I know. Not easy sneaking up on the ole Creeper himself.. The king of all sneaky sneaks. But I did it. I guess you could say it was all the training I'd had.
“Watch out!” I pushed the woman to the side and she fell to the ground.
I grabbed ole Jacky boy by his cape, twisted it around it neck and spun him around and around.
“Get off me. Get off me!” His voice was deep and demonic sounding.
I gave him a swift kick to the jewels and Jean Claude va damned his butt with an award winning back kick and a blood sport punch to the midsection.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I'm Freddy Kruegar. The meanest, nastiest man that kills in your dreams.”
“In your dreams.”
I raised my brows. “Seriously. You're gonna test me on this?”
“I've never heard of you. You're not a better killer than I.”
“I'm much better. Way way better.”
“No way. I'm Jack the Ripper, the most famous killer of all time.”
He flapped his cape and turned into a bat.
I had no idea Jack could do something like that. I had no clue he possessed those kinds of abilities. I don't believe I read about that in the books. Just when you think you know somebody.
He flapped his wings into the night.
Just then the Jack decided his was going to come back and down. I guess he hadn't had enough of my unusual punishment.
“I never give up,” he said.
“Of course you don't.
I never expected him to give up that easy.
He pulled a knife. A big knife.
“Is that all you got?” I whipped out my blades.
Snick snick snick snick snickety snick
“What is that?” He twisted his mouth as if he were looking at something from outer space.
“Oh this? This is before your time. These are my extremely awesome sharp blades. Not like those little toys you grew up with. This is big time.”
He threw the knife at me. He laughed cause he thought he had me for sure. But I caught the knife with my teeth,
“I do hold a lot of respect for your Jack and I have been quite impressed with your uncanny ability to stay obscure. But you're weak.
I rewarded him with a nice swift slice across the front of his cape.
He gasped. “You tore my famous black creeper cape. I just had this tailored and repaired.”
“Needs a few more stitches.” I laughed.
Snick snick snick snickety snick.
He sliced across my arm but it didn't phase me one bit.
I performed a mystical wave with my slicers working to hypnotize him filling his mind with fire and smoke from the pit of hell.
I had him now. No doubt about it.
The lower part of his cape caught fire and it was up in smoke in no time. I snatched the tall hat from his head for a souvenir before it burned up. If I was going to go back to where I came from I needed living proof that I did actually kill Jack the Ripper. To think he thought he could kick my butt.
I went back into my mental time machine to go back and snatch up the girl. Seriously, it felt good to save somebody's else's butt for a change, Felt real good. I think this has been my first real good deed. I think I could do several more of these lifesaving things.
Now, just relax. I'm not going to get all righteous on ya now. I'm not converted or anything nor will I ever be.
I am Freddy Kruegar, the greatest and most dangerous killer of all time.